So is not knowing that bad? Yeap.....yupp....Oh so very YES IT IS!
Believe me, Experience Talking!
I'm freaking 23 now and I still don't have a clear cut understanding/idea as to what is it that I should be doing in order to keep myself perfectly happY, satisfied, contended and something that would pay me enough to fend for myself. People may be shouting in their heads right now that I must be crazy, and that I ought to know it by now. But, I don't and that's that!
The only thing that makes me bear my state is the fact that I'm looking...and looking hard. I'm exploring ideas, avenues, people n all that I can. I don't need anything as bad as I need an obsession right now, a "calling", a passion to work on. Some real game the thought of which will give me instant gratification or as I'd like to put it more feelingly, an orgasm!
Life is so incomplete without something that can keep you occupied apart from the time when you're doing all the "feel-good" things in your life. I mean one's work should be THE feel-good thing in one's life. The life-blood of one's life....Yes! that's what I'm searching for and I won't settle for anything less! And that's that!!!
In the midst of all this dialogue with myself, I asked myself to list all the things that I think I am/will be good at and at some point in my life aspired for. Yes, I could come up with some entries.
I could be-
1> A Cricketer
Yes Ashish, I've always secretly envied you for your preofession.....from the bottom of my heart...I think I had and still have the soul of a player...Han bhai khoon garam hai abhi tak!
2> A Lawyer
People who know me acknowledge that I've a gift for finding faults and living in details. Also, I'm quite belligerent...some of the a 'qualities' one requires for being a lawyer.
3> A Psychologist/Shrink/Psychiatrist/Empathizer whatever you may call it.
Yeah..I guess thats about it! I'm done!
Now the question arises, why didn't I pursue these paths?
The answer to which would be an admission that I lacked the guts, wisdom and maturity to decide for myself and back myself up when the time came to decide.
So why not switch to them now?!
Well...I don't know...I certainly have improved in all the three departments of guts, wisdom and maturity and have taken some major career decisions lately.
But I feel I'm still lost.....in the midst of opinions, judgments, fears...!
I guess I can badly use some more time, space and positive energies.
And I still believe.......I can Fly!
